BE AFRAID AND DO IT ANYWAY!
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind.” 2 Tim 1:7
It’s easier said than done I know. I know so much so that I recite that scripture many times to myself every day. In fact, I recite a lot of God’s words to myself the moment fear, doubt, worry or anxiety tries to creep in. Fear WILL paralyze you but, it is False Evidence Appearing Real, yet we believe it! I pray daily that God renews my mind, so I don’t replay the lies I was told and made to believe about myself or my future. Honestly, I was scared to stay and scared to go but choosing to trust God beyond my own understanding felt like and was the best decision for me. I knew what my future would look like if I stayed. I wasn’t a person, I was property. I wasn’t respected as a wife or the mother of our children. I was tolerated as long as I didn’t challenge my husband’s authority. My home that I once was so excited to cook in, decorate and raise our children in became a prison. Single women called my husband whenever they felt like and he allowed it. He even financed events for them and gave money when they asked and that’s just what I knew of. There’s more. I can only imagine what else there was that I didn’t know but it no longer mattered. Social media has the world believing that you can treat people however you like, diminishing our worth and thinking the grass is greener somewhere else. Polygamy was in my future, so I was told. These ideas were being introduced to my sons. Behaviors contrary to what they have been taught all their lives were being witnessed by their little minds. The same fear I felt, I could see in them. I tried to explain how I felt but was told that was something in me that I needed to work on. “You need to love yourself,” he said.
He was right! If I had loved myself, I never would have allowed myself to be treated that way. I would have left long before it got this bad. I would have known that he didn’t love me, because that’s not what love looks or feels like. Because I loved him, I couldn’t imagine my life without him and didn’t want to. That changed when Jesus was no longer welcome in our home. I couldn’t take our children to church or pray in Jesus’ name. Jesus was no longer real………. Now, to each his own and what you believe but we have served God faithfully in our church throughout our entire marriage and all our children were baptized and raised in the church. So, for this change to come out the blue and immediately affect our home was disturbing. My husband became our God, gave himself and new name and a persona to match.
I was scared to leave but staying scared me more. This battle is not over, but this battle is no longer mine. I let go of what I thought I wanted and traded my plans for HIS. This has been the hardest thing I’ve ever done but I trust God has a plan and He WILL get the glory out of all of it. His will be done and not my own.
BE AFRAID AND DO IT ANYWAY!
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, to give you a future and a hope.