UNDER CONSTRUCTION
Trust in the Lord with all your heart And lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
I was broken almost to the point I didn’t even recognize myself. I lost so much weight and anxiety consumed my mind.
One of the first things I did after I left was surround myself with family that loved and supported me. I lived moment for moment unsure of what was next. What I did know was that I had to GET UP. I couldn’t stay broken. My children deserved a whole version of their mother and I am determined to make them proud. I started counseling. I highly recommend finding someone you are comfortable with that can help you navigate through trauma. My counselor was truly a Godsent. I didn’t request a believer, to prevent any bias in any way, but God sent me the PERFECT person to challenge me spiritually and in the natural.
To say I’m grateful is an understatement.
In this process, I realized some things about myself. Now, I mentioned before that I may have been responsible for some of the toxicity.
I believe there were parts of me that had to go. Self-doubt was one of them.
I AM NOT CRAZY.
People will deflect their issues on you and you absolutely DO NOT have to believe them. I was and still am of sound mind. Understanding my value, knowing my worth and creating healthy boundaries was next. Sometimes you have to teach people how to treat you. I had to add some No’s where I would always say yes. I had to remove the access that once was so freely given undeservingly. I had to find my voice and fight for myself but most of all, I had to remember who I was and whose I was.
Exodus 14:14 Amp says “The Lord will fight for you while you [only need to] keep silent and remain calm.”
It’s easy to trust God when everything is going well for you but can you trust him when your world has been turned upside down and everything you knew is gone? Can you lean not on your own understanding and allow Him to direct your paths?
I now know Him as the potter who put this broken vessel back together again. I don’t look like what I’ve been through and I still don’t recognize myself. He makes all things NEW and He is doing a new thing in me. And He’s not finished with me yet!