HOW’S YOUR SELF IMAGE?

I will give thanks and praise to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well.

Psalms 139:14

I recently had someone ask me how I saw myself after hearing I was going through a divorce. My first thought was to wonder what she meant and then why was that something to ask. But, as I thought about how to answer that question I understood why she asked. There are so many feelings to process that thinking of yourself sometimes comes last. At least, it was for me and when I did get the chance to think, my view of myself was distorted.

I felt broken on the inside. I wondered if I looked broken on the outside as well. I wasn’t my normal optimistic self. I sometimes replay conversations between me and my husband where he would say things like I’m the weakest link. He even said I was basic one time. Even though I still don’t believe those things, it doesn’t stop them from coming up in my thoughts. For a brief moment, I considered how people saw me too. Do they see a pitiful woman who ran because she didn’t like the way her husband was treating her? That moment was very brief. Then, I began to focus more on how God saw me instead.

He sees me as the apple of his eye. So much so, that he rescued me and hid me under the shadow of His wings. He sees me as worthy of love. And not just worthy of love, but His perfect love. So, no I couldn’t stay where I was being abused and mistreated. That’s not His definition of love. He sees me as unique and imparted giftings, talents, skills and abilities in me that He intends to use for His glory.

With the help of some dear friends, I’ve learned that being broken isn’t necessarily a negative thing. I had to be broken so I would know what it felt like to be loved properly, to expect and settle for nothing less. In my brokenness, I discovered purpose. I discovered strength. I discovered my own self-worth.

I discovered me.

I’m learning more and more about myself while I’m still in the midst of my storm. I can see where my light had dimmed and its slowly starting to come back. I knew that I was capable of accomplishing anything but now I’m recognizing that I’m stronger than I thought. And not only am I capable but now the sky is the limit.

So, I am grateful for my brokenness. I’m grateful for this healing journey. Most of all, I’m grateful for all the lives that will be changed because God, even in my brokenness, chose to use me.

With love,

Gracefully Broken.